Friday, March 18, 2016

Step Fathers, An Evolutionary Tale,

Why does the 'Step' parent get such a bad wrap.

They're up against the wall before they're started, they put pressure on themselves,  not only to win over the new partner but to win over the child or children involved! for the love to make it a happy home.

Kids get it... maybe way before the adults do...he's not the Dad- but sort of does Dad like stuff, What's the best thing to do!, what's not!, how to stay sane, how to get maximum enjoyment out of kids who are not biologically yours.

I feel for my partner that all the tips in the world doesn't compensate for living the real thing!. Basically how do you say to the man in your life, (my two girls were 9yrs & 12yrs old when we got together) to just treat them like they're your own! When he's never had children!

It takes time and patience, lots of love and he doesn't always get it  right (nor do I). If you help to keep order, maintain peace but don't strive to have great input into who they are, you don't engage on any level, other than, " Would you like tomato sauce with that?", its always going to be a minefield. Don't sweat the small stuff.

This was all at the beginning of our relationship with my partner, now on our eighteenth happy year together, learning that you can beat yourself up about how else you could or should have done things, but what you discover along the way is that something else happens all by itself quite unexpectedly, you all can become true friends, have the trust, respect and pride like any parent can have.

You may not be called 'Dad' (or Mum) but having a thankful relationship with that child/children, for when they become adults and parents of their own children, it becomes clear, you can receive rewards in other wonderful ways, like in my partners case, you can get to be called 'Gran-DAD'.


  1. My husband is the first man my children and their friends EVER liked out of all my boyfriends. I remember hearing upstairs conversations then, "Ask Chuck, he knows everything". lol Then they grew to love him.

    1. aww, it's great when the children end up trying to win over the man that is a better father figure (in my case anyway) .